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Are You Listening to Hear?

When your spouse is communicating, do you listen to hear or do you listen to respond or defend?

Communication is so important in our relationships and in having a healthy marriage. We know that communication is the the exchanging of information, however, there is much more to communications. We have the various styles or types of communication and also non verbal communications. But there is another side to communication and that is listening. Yes, listening is a part of communications. Some might say that is common sense, yet it is difficult to do at times in our marriages. Communications is not just talking, each person must be willing to listen to the other person.

So again I ask, when your spouse is communicating or sharing, do you listen to hear what they are saying or do you listen to respond quickly or to defend.

Quite a few couples struggle in this area of listening so below are a few tips to keep in mind when your spouse is communicating or sharing their feelings or ideas.


Step 1: Listen to hear

Listening to hear means you actually care about what the other person is saying. When the other person is speaking you are focused on what they are sharing and not allowing other things to distract you.

Step 2: Listen to understand

Listening to understand is so important. You should want to understand how your spouse is feeling in the discussion. Don’t just listen to the words, but listen to their heart, and try to understand their emotions in the discussion.

Step 3: Listen without being defensive

Listening without defense is letting that person finish their statement without interruption to defend yourself or defend your opinion. When listening without being defensive, be mindful of your body language.


Remember, communication is an important role in a healthy marriages and a major piece of communication is listening. Take some personal time to reflect on how you listen….is it to truly hear or is it to respond or defend. If you and your spouse need help in this area, please schedule a session!!

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24 de mai. de 2023
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This has been a challenge for me, but I will continue to work on listening

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